yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
