Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
