Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
