tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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