you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize