I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
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That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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