So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
