remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
