Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
