he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
