dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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