I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
