I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
