Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
