just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
