It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm bleeding and have questions
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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