I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
