so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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