I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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