i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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