Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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