Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
