So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
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Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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