I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
