Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
