Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
