roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
