Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Terrible idea I love it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
