I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
