I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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