careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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