just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
