We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
