The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
