So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
