she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The uberlube is also flammable
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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