she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
