Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
