I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
