Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
