My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
