I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
3pm strippers are depressing
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
