So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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