There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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