Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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