She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
