You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
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Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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