I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize