I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
