We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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