Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
