The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
