it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
