please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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