hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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