You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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