people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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