If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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