we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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