your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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