Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
