I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Did I show you my penis last night?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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