Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
