You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize