Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
