she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
pop tarts are not kleenex
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
