My nipple is on Facebook.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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