Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
