I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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