I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
