I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
