I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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