Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
