i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
organizing the empties. That sober.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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