You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
