Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
