Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
