So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
